Saturday, January 15, 2011

Day care

I told myself that when he turned one he would start going to day care. I originally called the Methodist Day School, but they had a waiting list and the women I spoke to didn’t tell me that they did half days, she just told me that they had to go all week. And at the time I only wanted him to go a few days out of the week, not all week. BUT I would have settled with a few hours every day if I couldn’t have a few days. So I did not put him on the waiting list, which I regret. I decided a few weeks ago when I was job hunting that he was going to have to be put on a waiting list somewhere and job or not he needed to go. He needs to be able to play with other kids and start adjusting to a day care/school environment. And I need to breathe. I know that might sound awful, but there is no separation between he and I. 24 hours a day 7 days a week. I have had one baby-sitter spend the day with him so I could have a me day a few weeks ago. Up until a few months ago I haven’t known anyone around here that I could leave him with. Every once in a while I leave him with his dad for a few hours. His Nanny isn’t “allowed” to watch him, but she did twice over the summer because she didn’t have her husband to tell her no and she freaked over the thought of him going to a baby-sitter. So other than that the last time I left him with someone was probably a year ago or before that, and that was his Grammy. It isn’t healthy to not have space, even if the space is from your own kids. It leads to resentments and frustrations, short tempers and melt downs. Yes, I made the decision that he would start day care.

Andrew started day care Wednesday, Kidz-a-palooza. He was supposed to start Monday but because of all the snow and ice we had they were closed for two days. Wednesday they opened at 10am because of the school delay from the winter weather. I brought him to his teacher, took his coat off and hung it up. I gave his teacher his bag of diapers, wipes, his blanket for nap time, and his cup. I talked with her for a few minutes, gave him hugs and kisses, and reassured him that I would be back soon. I told him that he was going to play with other kids and have fun. I left. Now, the day care used to be several stores in our downtown area so there are big windows in a few classrooms. One such window would be in Andrew’s classroom. I had parked two blocks away and had walked Andrew to day care that morning, because I was meeting his dad at the hardware store, so I had to walk past his classroom window to go back to the hardwood store. I was doing good until I heard him yell “Mommy”, then I fought tears back until I got to the hardware store. By then I had regained my composure, so I thought. I found Shane down an aisle. As soon as he looked at me I started tearing up and then crying. Two blocks and I missed my baby boy! We left the store and I drove past the day care to see if I could see inside, but the windows are tinted dark so you can’t just see into the building. I met my husband at Tractor Supply, we walked around and goofed off then we went to Wal-Mart. I broke down in there and then again later when I was on the phone with my mom.

When I went to pick Andrew up from the first day I parked in front of his class. He saw me walk past the window and yelled “Mommy” in his super-excited voice! Everyone in the building knew his mommy was there, because he yelled “Mommy, Mommy…get me Mommy” until I went to his classroom.

Day two…day two it was ok to be at school as long as Mommy was sitting on the floor playing, but he didn’t want me to leave. That day when I picked him up, he didn’t see me. He was laying under one of the tables in his class playing a little piano. He was pretty into it too. I called his name, but he didn’t hear me. His teacher got his attention and asked him what he was doing, and then I asked him what he was doing. He jumped up from the floor and ran to me sobbing my name!

Day three… today was awful! I pulled up to the building and turned off the car. Immediately he began crying and saying “no Mommy, no”. I carried him into the building. The last two days he had walked in, but not today. He clung like saran wrap. I didn’t have to hold him, he had his legs and arms wrapped around me I almost couldn’t pry him off. One of the teachers took him from me and turned him so he couldn’t see me leave. I was so shaken by him not wanting me to go that I carried his jacket off with me instead of leaving it in his classroom. All day I fought the urge to go get him. Was I traumatizing my son? Was I doing more harm than good? If I went to get him now then it would be worse the next time. One of the points of going to day care was so that he could get used to going, so that I could get things accomplished and possibly find a part time job during the day. If he doesn’t go now it will be worse later on when I try to leave him. Today when I picked him up I could hear him upset from the hallway. I stuck my head through the door and said “Why are you upset?” He got real quiet for a second so I repeated myself “what are you upset about?” He came running to me sobbing again. His teacher said he saw someone else leave a few minutes before I came up and he got upset because he wanted to go too. (Not with them, just me come get him).

Monday is a holiday so he will get to stay home with me, but Tuesday he goes back to day care. I’m hoping by the end of the week he will have become more adjusted. This day care isn’t the one I want him going to permanently. I still want him to go to the Methodist Day School; it is more of a preschool, then just a day care. So if he doesn’t adjust in a few weeks I won’t be upset about taking him out of there, unless I have found a job, which is going to be paying for day care! But for now I have to fight the urge to go get him. Everyone keeps saying he’ll adjust, it won’t be so hard in a few days, soon he’ll be running off without even saying bye…we’ll see.

No comments:

Post a Comment